








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 782 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 94 matches | ||
| Esplay | 67 matches | 2,096 | |
| Premier | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1980 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,942 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2278 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2052 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1961 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1651 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $690,032 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 398 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EG-E-WÊZEL ( °□°) ︵ | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | iceman tookz | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | qqqqq | 73% | 48 |
| #4 | LS | 70% | 37 |
| #5 | Sajalol | 69% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | vibZ3t0r1 | 55% | 20 |
| #11 | Island-MAn | 47% | 55 |
| #12 | King P3kk | 44% | 41 |
| #13 | FKSHOTSV3NOM | 39% | 28 |
| #14 | ⭕⃤ ᠌BOZOBOOM | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Island-MAn | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Sajalol | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | King P3kk | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | thor | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | sensei bjarne | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qqqqq | 299 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #2 | Sajalol | 229 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | LS | 196 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | thor | 148 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | sensei bjarne | 93 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EG-E-WÊZEL ( °□°) ︵ | +3.08 | 86 | 70 |
| #2 | LS | +2.17 | 82 | 64 |
| #3 | thor | +1.80 | 84 | 70 |
| #4 | qqqqq | +1.10 | 67 | 75 |
| #5 | Fjaspeis | +0.98 | 82 | 63 |





