








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 597 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Esplay | 54 matches | 2,185 | |
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1787 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,154 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2631 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2072 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1704 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1747 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,046 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fjaspeis | 73% | 48 |
| #2 | EG-E-WÊZEL ( °□°) ︵ | 71% | 14 |
| #3 | HUGO BAWS | 67% | 24 |
| #4 | LS | 64% | 70 |
| #5 | aha... | 62% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | iceman tookz | 53% | 17 |
| #10 | sensei bjarne | 52% | 65 |
| #11 | vibZ3t0r1 | 52% | 23 |
| #12 | Island-MAn | 50% | 20 |
| #13 | King P3kk | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sensei bjarne | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Sajalol | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Fjaspeis | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | King P3kk | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sajalol | 357 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | LS | 310 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #3 | Fjaspeis | 216 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | sensei bjarne | 175 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | thor | 150 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EG-E-WÊZEL ( °□°) ︵ | +3.06 | 85 | 64 |
| #2 | LS | +1.23 | 84 | 65 |
| #3 | qqqqq | +1.04 | 66 | 72 |
| #4 | Sajalol | +0.83 | 83 | 65 |
| #5 | Fjaspeis | +0.60 | 80 | 62 |





