








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2350 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,411 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1509 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2388 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4214 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 1300 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,113 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | couch | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | Lil Pecker | 62% | 21 |
| #3 | YoungWolf | 59% | 27 |
| #4 | Gambit | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | R.Spec | 56% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | R.Spec | 56% | 54 |
| #6 | Flash | 53% | 101 |
| #7 | Sassy Molassy | 47% | 128 |
| #8 | Argus | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | Goin Hamms | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flash | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Sassy Molassy | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | couch | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Gambit | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Goin Hamms | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flash | 583 | 0.27 | 16 min |
| #2 | Sassy Molassy | 190 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | couch | 112 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | R.Spec | 110 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Gambit | 82 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | That's Not Butter | +1.57 | 64 | 58 |
| #2 | R.Spec | +0.74 | 68 | 67 |
| #3 | Flash | +0.18 | 64 | 75 |
| #4 | couch | -0.81 | 39 | 65 |
| #5 | Sassy Molassy | -1.07 | 48 | 57 |





