








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
360 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 332 | 29% |
| Smokes | 348 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 200 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 282 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $86,923 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Sir Alhamludmilla | 33% | 6 |
| #12 | Ricky retardo | 25% | 4 |
| #13 | Klunkeguden | 20% | 5 |
| #14 | lqN | 17% | 6 |
| #15 | phyziE | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | karton network | 89 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #2 | Klunkeguden | 25 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | palpajol | 22 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | vsewerin2k | 22 | 0.31 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ricky retardo | 18 | 0.20 | 0 min |





