








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 186 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 270 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3015 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,063 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1099 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1407 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1810 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 747 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,170,909 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GramGram | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | w!retap | 53% | 59 |
| #3 | MAEL | 48% | 71 |
| #4 | vvCephei | 48% | 291 |
| #5 | JACK1E | 47% | 161 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Iroh | 47% | 103 |
| #7 | Dendro | 44% | 103 |
| #8 | FOCUS | 44% | 190 |
| #9 | Matty Fuckin' Smokes | 42% | 19 |
| #10 | 𝓐𝓽𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓴 | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FOCUS | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Dendro | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | vvCephei | 3 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | JACK1E | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Iroh | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FOCUS | 887 | 0.22 | 30 min |
| #2 | JACK1E | 654 | 0.19 | 22 min |
| #3 | vvCephei | 328 | 0.05 | 10 min |
| #4 | Dendro | 312 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #5 | Matty Fuckin' Smokes | 78 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝓐𝓽𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓴 | +5.05 | 79 | 58 |
| #2 | JACK1E | +1.70 | 62 | 85 |
| #3 | Matty Fuckin' Smokes | +0.40 | 63 | 51 |
| #4 | TwiTeh | +0.21 | 69 | 53 |
| #5 | vvCephei | -0.28 | 68 | 59 |





