








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 939 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5005 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5838 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5705 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5959 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4113 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,012,950 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 958 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShocK | 64% | 39 |
| #2 | Der Kanzler | 58% | 77 |
| #3 | Oompa Loompa | 58% | 45 |
| #4 | Pedders | 55% | 216 |
| #5 | xDEDANx | 52% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Oompa Loompa | 58% | 45 |
| #4 | Pedders | 55% | 216 |
| #5 | xDEDANx | 52% | 141 |
| #6 | [ƒĢĄĦ] Luck_Without_Skill | 52% | 149 |
| #7 | ๖ۣۜℜaiτ.#✨ | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xDEDANx | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Der Kanzler | 6 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | ShocK | 5 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | Pedders | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | [ƒĢĄĦ] Luck_Without_Skill | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pedders | 558 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #2 | xDEDANx | 280 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | ShocK | 168 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Der Kanzler | 125 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Oompa Loompa | 116 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Kanzler | +4.19 | 75 | 62 |
| #2 | Oompa Loompa | +2.64 | 66 | 74 |
| #3 | ShocK | +2.32 | 62 | 63 |
| #4 | ★ Borgi [ƒĢĄĦ] | +1.07 | 61 | 70 |
| #5 | Pedders | +0.15 | 56 | 68 |





