








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 511 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 66 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2008 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 880 | 9% |
| Smokes | 3120 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3316 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2946 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,394,547 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 232 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Kanzler | 54% | 39 |
| #2 | Pedders | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | Schreíner | 53% | 68 |
| #4 | ★ Borgi [ƒĢĄĦ] | 52% | 149 |
| #5 | HannsGandalf [FGAH] | 49% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schreíner | 8 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | ★ Borgi [ƒĢĄĦ] | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | HannsGandalf [FGAH] | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Mortus | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Locke | 4 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Borgi [ƒĢĄĦ] | 259 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | HannsGandalf [FGAH] | 160 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Schreíner | 105 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Pedders | 105 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mortus | 85 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Kanzler | +5.82 | 69 | 63 |
| #2 | Wade | +5.16 | 92 | 47 |
| #3 | ★ Borgi [ƒĢĄĦ] | +1.50 | 61 | 69 |
| #4 | Pedders | +0.54 | 60 | 69 |
| #5 | Schreíner | +0.48 | 71 | 42 |





