








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
550 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,187 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 171 | 14% |
| Smokes | 377 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 462 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 177 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,827 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Elmer The One | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | FRANKLIN | 50% | 74 |
| #5 | Chad | 49% | 80 |
| #6 | JegErSuppe | 43% | 49 |
| #7 | Ræbbern | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRANKLIN | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Chad | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Sebbern | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Ræbbern | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad | 427 | 0.26 | 13 min |
| #2 | FRANKLIN | 301 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #3 | Sebbern | 228 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #4 | JegErSuppe | 80 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ræbbern | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chad | +3.27 | 90 | 77 |
| #2 | FRANKLIN | +2.88 | 79 | 67 |
| #3 | JegErSuppe | -0.73 | 66 | 64 |
| #4 | Sebbern | -0.83 | 57 | 64 |
| #5 | Elmer The One | -1.23 | 43 | 47 |





