








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1024 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 831 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1803 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1540 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1285 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $348,869 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darkhopper | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Akki | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Bonobo Bill | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | Egeland | 47% | 34 |
| #5 | Hard | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Bonobo Bill | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | Egeland | 47% | 34 |
| #5 | Hard | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | SaToX | 41% | 17 |
| #7 | Sir Arthur Harris, 1st Baronet | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egeland | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Akki | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Sir Arthur Harris, 1st Baronet | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bonobo Bill | 92 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | Hard | 52 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | Egeland | 44 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Akki | 24 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Darkhopper | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egeland | +2.47 | 47 | 65 |
| #2 | Hard | +1.35 | 27 | 65 |
| #3 | Bonobo Bill | +0.85 | 33 | 71 |
| #4 | Hanri. | +0.22 | 39 | 58 |
| #5 | Akki | -0.67 | 46 | 41 |





