








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 65 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
759 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,109 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1174 | 29% |
| Smokes | 955 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1000 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 980 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $104,401 of utility $59 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kodeka | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Juugel | 66% | 35 |
| #3 | Lyomis | 56% | 39 |
| #4 | ODSMO | 56% | 71 |
| #5 | Eme the Dog | 51% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eme the Dog | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | Lyomis | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | keme | 1 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ODSMO | 228 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Eme the Dog | 193 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Juugel | 102 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Pipsa Possu | 59 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lyomis | 52 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lyomis | +2.26 | 74 | 57 |
| #2 | Juugel | +1.56 | 52 | 77 |
| #3 | 6WeedBlazin'6BlackCaucasian6 | +1.45 | 74 | 75 |
| #4 | ODSMO | +0.55 | 67 | 78 |
| #5 | Kodeka | -0.24 | 45 | 74 |





