








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 380 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 1,767 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1435 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1619 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2377 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1731 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $677,996 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 402 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | enholst | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | BanKowski | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Bɨ𝒻𝒻𝔢ɳ | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | rille | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | knx[9] | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BanKowski | 418 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #2 | Bɨ𝒻𝒻𝔢ɳ | 326 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | rille | 277 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #4 | enholst | 190 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | Lacylagersjef | 121 | 0.07 | 3 min |





