








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 824 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 469 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5361 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,575 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3570 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4557 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5226 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4222 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,023,981 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 70 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Roger Sterling | 84% | 43 |
| #2 | L_patschi | 83% | 35 |
| #3 | :)German | 83% | 109 |
| #4 | Ace | 77% | 62 |
| #5 | $𝟒₥𝟒₦₮Ⱨ𝟒 ツ | 73% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :)German | 13 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Der Dude | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Ace | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | L_patschi | 5 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Hilti539 | 3 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Dude | 362 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #2 | :)German | 250 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Ace | 137 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✪ B4SH3R ✪ | 105 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hilti539 | 82 | 0.03 | 2 min |





