








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 79 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2394 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,690 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2416 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3689 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2162 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2423 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,900 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stairsy | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 58% | 45 |
| #3 | pinyu is love | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | Candyman | 53% | 38 |
| #5 | Yudken | 50% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WooTs | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Sheepy | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | bigfatlp | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | warchiefyu | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Stairsy | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WooTs | 162 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Sheepy | 155 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | viN | 147 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | warchiefyu | 126 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Dirty Dan | 111 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | +3.18 | 73 | 60 |
| #2 | Stairsy | +2.96 | 74 | 59 |
| #3 | sodium_lord | +2.04 | 64 | 65 |
| #4 | bigfatlp | +1.62 | 71 | 55 |
| #5 | warchiefyu | +0.53 | 56 | 56 |





