








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 993 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 563 matches | ||
| Faceit | 131 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 95 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7736 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6612 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5256 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5546 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,150,658 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2933 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fediir | 60% | 50 |
| #2 | SemiPixel | 58% | 55 |
| #3 | jaegr | 58% | 102 |
| #4 | thirtysix | 56% | 318 |
| #5 | Demig0d ☩ -iwnl- | 55% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Vellaa | 54% | 136 |
| #7 | ommeh | 53% | 88 |
| #8 | sitedmite | 53% | 78 |
| #9 | New York | 52% | 108 |
| #10 | R O T O R | 46% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thirtysix | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | jaegr | 7 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Vellaa | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | New York | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Fediir | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thirtysix | 658 | 0.10 | 23 min |
| #2 | ommeh | 464 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #3 | Vellaa | 463 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #4 | jaegr | 432 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #5 | New York | 381 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jaegr | +2.54 | 82 | 80 |
| #2 | SemiPixel | +2.02 | 78 | 49 |
| #3 | switch- | +1.96 | 82 | 65 |
| #4 | thirtysix | +1.27 | 72 | 65 |
| #5 | ommeh | +0.71 | 63 | 74 |





