








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 128 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1380 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2165 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2186 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1891 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1486 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $221,247 of utility $60 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zlider | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | eMbo | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | LeXmaskinen | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | Celine Dion | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | Lanzo | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Lanzo | 49% | 43 |
| #6 | FH 7h31337n355m0n573r | 49% | 125 |
| #7 | Luffy^- Skyjaskokkari | 48% | 63 |
| #8 | Alyssa Edwards | 47% | 87 |
| #9 | Haffi.F | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FH 7h31337n355m0n573r | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Luffy^- Skyjaskokkari | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Alyssa Edwards | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FH 7h31337n355m0n573r | 398 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #2 | Alyssa Edwards | 204 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Luffy^- Skyjaskokkari | 153 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | eMbo | 68 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lanzo | 49 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Celine Dion | +3.77 | 74 | 51 |
| #2 | zlider | +2.02 | 75 | 74 |
| #3 | FH 7h31337n355m0n573r | +1.67 | 46 | 69 |
| #4 | LeXmaskinen | +0.71 | 53 | 55 |
| #5 | eMbo | +0.60 | 69 | 78 |





