








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 357 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1379 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,185 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 390 | 12% |
| Smokes | 883 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1108 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 804 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $424,667 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wistiq | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Patropro [KSK] | 53% | 30 |
| #3 | JALLA | 46% | 35 |
| #4 | Hessel | 46% | 175 |
| #5 | Dingleberry Handpump | 32% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Hessel | 46% | 175 |
| #5 | Dingleberry Handpump | 32% | 22 |
| #6 | TpErwin | 28% | 18 |
| #7 | JB | 21% | 14 |
| #8 | ᴹᴿ 𝕁𝔻 | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hessel | 28 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | Dingleberry Handpump | 4 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | JALLA | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Patropro [KSK] | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | JB | 1 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hessel | 636 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #2 | JALLA | 116 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | Patropro [KSK] | 66 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Wistiq | 52 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | JB | 31 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JB | +4.34 | 80 | 51 |
| #2 | Hessel | +0.73 | 64 | 61 |
| #3 | Dingleberry Handpump | -0.84 | 43 | 28 |
| #4 | Dutch_Ducks | -0.96 | 52 | 39 |
| #5 | Wistiq | -1.30 | 36 | 61 |





