








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
461 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,176 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 165 | 14% |
| Smokes | 571 | 49% |
| HE Grenades | 286 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 154 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $272,221 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stacey's Mom | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | mollyislame | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | tkaya | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | LamB | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | NickH | 41% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | JwJ | 33% | 6 |
| #9 | jaspeЯ | 30% | 10 |
| #10 | hanseN | 25% | 4 |
| #11 | Rowdy | 0% | 4 |
| #12 | Pliski13 | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NickH | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Pliski13 | 2 | 0.0227 |
| #3 | Rowdy | 1 | 0.0143 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NickH | 402 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #2 | thrice | 119 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #3 | LamB | 36 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | jaspeЯ | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | JwJ | 14 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NickH | +2.06 | 66 | 80 |
| #2 | LamB | +1.98 | 61 | 70 |
| #3 | JPC | +1.05 | 75 | 53 |
| #4 | thrice | +0.92 | 70 | 71 |
| #5 | Stacey's Mom | +0.77 | 79 | 36 |





