








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 101 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2811 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2534 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1520 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1955 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $751,856 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rölme | 58% | 31 |
| #2 | GRAPPO | 57% | 47 |
| #3 | Goffe | 57% | 182 |
| #4 | Boffe | 57% | 228 |
| #5 | Kebabriella | 54% | 162 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Goffe | 57% | 182 |
| #4 | Boffe | 57% | 228 |
| #5 | Kebabriella | 54% | 162 |
| #6 | CHONKER | 54% | 83 |
| #7 | Leon | 54% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CHONKER | 7 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Goffe | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Kebabriella | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Leon | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Boffe | 2 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goffe | 518 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | Boffe | 499 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #3 | Kebabriella | 351 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | CHONKER | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Leon | 65 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boffe | +3.93 | 79 | 65 |
| #2 | Goffe | +2.16 | 70 | 72 |
| #3 | Door Snake ♿ | +0.42 | 47 | 69 |
| #4 | GRAPPO | +0.01 | 58 | 62 |
| #5 | CHONKER | -2.36 | 36 | 62 |





