








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 591 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 392 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3768 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5896 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5495 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5207 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3913 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,054,234 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Facebraker | 50% | 398 |
| #2 | Deivil | 50% | 120 |
| #3 | NICKNACK | 50% | 305 |
| #4 | azl^_ | 48% | 257 |
| #5 | pxxxeee | 46% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Deivil | 50% | 120 |
| #3 | NICKNACK | 50% | 305 |
| #4 | azl^_ | 48% | 257 |
| #5 | pxxxeee | 46% | 115 |
| #6 | Escobar | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NICKNACK | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Facebraker | 9 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | azl^_ | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Deivil | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | pxxxeee | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | azl^_ | 1715 | 0.32 | 49 min |
| #2 | Facebraker | 645 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #3 | NICKNACK | 469 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| #4 | pxxxeee | 439 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #5 | Deivil | 324 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Facebraker | +1.47 | 69 | 73 |
| #2 | Escobar | +1.45 | 83 | 52 |
| #3 | pxxxeee | +1.38 | 76 | 77 |
| #4 | Deivil | +0.99 | 74 | 70 |
| #5 | ★LUFTSCHNEEENGEL | -0.59 | 58 | 73 |





