








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 343 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 61 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3241 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,133 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1547 | 25% |
| Smokes | 85 | 1% |
| HE Grenades | 2668 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1833 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,473,759 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shuht | 61% | 31 |
| #2 | Oopsy Coopsy | 53% | 34 |
| #3 | SloppySeconds | 51% | 113 |
| #4 | o7Delta | 50% | 32 |
| #5 | steaksausage | 39% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SloppySeconds | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | steaksausage | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | allthingsruined | 5 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | Legendary Beagle Master | 5 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | PlagueOfJustice | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | steaksausage | 286 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | PlagueOfJustice | 265 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | SloppySeconds | 139 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Slerp Derp | 126 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | allthingsruined | 106 | 0.11 | 3 min |





