








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 282 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 351 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7031 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,177 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10547 | 36% |
| Smokes | 7582 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5617 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 5431 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $904,722 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spede_ | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Uku | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | .saHnEE.- | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Chillor | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | theDONALD | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uku | 635 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #2 | Chillor | 501 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #3 | spede_ | 418 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #4 | theDONALD | 335 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #5 | Dr. Spedinov | 296 | 0.17 | 8 min |





