








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 345 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 269 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 117 matches | ||
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 284 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9120 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 46,483 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 17355 | 37% |
| Smokes | 9442 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 15701 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3985 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $452,464 of utility $21 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 207 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





