








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1451 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,831 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 823 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1457 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 633 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 918 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $371,076 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Frizzer-DK | 48% | 46 |
| #8 | jåhn | 46% | 39 |
| #9 | Nørgaard | 44% | 18 |
| #10 | Dottore | 42% | 43 |
| #11 | Anda! | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nørgaard | 10 | 0.0261 |
| #2 | Du Er God | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Frizzer-DK | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Dottore | 2 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | jåhn | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Du Er God | 93 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | jåhn | 92 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Frizzer-DK | 69 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dottore | 53 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nørgaard | 43 | 0.11 | 1 min |





