








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 510 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Esplay | 58 matches | 2,032 | |
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1940 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,430 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1117 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1824 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 983 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1506 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $535,619 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | waytookebab | 56% | 41 |
| #2 | jALOVI | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | roope | 55% | 33 |
| #4 | deedee | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Maldoren | 52% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Thez | 45% | 22 |
| #10 | siNppa | 44% | 48 |
| #11 | hrh | 43% | 28 |
| #12 | eple | 42% | 36 |
| #13 | Nottie | 41% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ønlinehero | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | roope | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | siNppa | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Maldoren | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | deedee | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ønlinehero | 287 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | siNppa | 202 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | waytookebab | 201 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | hrh | 200 | 0.34 | 6 min |
| #5 | deedee | 176 | 0.27 | 6 min |





