








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 176 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Esplay | 7 matches | 2,035 | |
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1168 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,610 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1324 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1596 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1343 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1347 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $210,860 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Maldoren | 41% | 22 |
| #15 | hrh | 38% | 8 |
| #16 | ted snikkers | 38% | 8 |
| #17 | eple | 25% | 8 |
| #18 | Ok1 | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jALOVI | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | SASSE:]]] | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | WALTON_STRÖMBERG | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Brooke Logan | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Maldoren | 1 | 0.0022 |





