








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1007 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,428 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 888 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1152 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1109 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 279 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $116,919 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Quack? | 41% | 49 |
| #8 | efaN | 40% | 25 |
| #9 | Jackarys | 38% | 55 |
| #10 | TinyFroggiee | 38% | 37 |
| #11 | Prison Mike | 28% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TinyFroggiee | 4 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | Jackarys | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Prison Mike | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Daddy Jase | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | m0tch | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daddy Jase | 132 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | m0tch | 113 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Quack? | 98 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Jackarys | 93 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Akustic | 73 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TinyFroggiee | +3.96 | 82 | 45 |
| #2 | Cattie | +2.45 | 75 | 48 |
| #3 | Paggen | +2.39 | 57 | 63 |
| #4 | Lo siento, Wilson | +0.82 | 61 | 60 |
| #5 | Akustic | +0.77 | 54 | 73 |





