








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 407 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 357 matches | ||
| Wingman | 64 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3673 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,181 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3587 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4001 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4036 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2557 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,465,910 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | oilman | 48% | 248 |
| #4 | Naxx'Ril | 48% | 191 |
| #5 | BIGGEST GABE | 46% | 115 |
| #6 | Wolfgang Kupeeki | 44% | 116 |
| #7 | x-ReFleX-x | 41% | 244 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oilman | 13 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | x-ReFleX-x | 10 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | BIGGEST GABE | 7 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Naxx'Ril | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Nikil | 5 | 0.0036 |





