








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 122 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2460 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,431 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2269 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2145 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1812 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1205 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $690,489 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | soNnY | 49% | 173 |
| #2 | [CHRSKNT] | 48% | 162 |
| #3 | Beer Man | 47% | 220 |
| #4 | FREDI | 46% | 161 |
| #5 | Bremser -iwnl- | 44% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beer Man | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | soNnY | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | FREDI | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Bremser -iwnl- | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | [CHRSKNT] | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beer Man | 737 | 0.16 | 21 min |
| #2 | Bremser -iwnl- | 677 | 0.25 | 18 min |
| #3 | soNnY | 482 | 0.13 | 16 min |
| #4 | FREDI | 300 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | [CHRSKNT] | 79 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | soNnY | +4.48 | 79 | 74 |
| #2 | L!o | -0.57 | 58 | 65 |
| #3 | Beer Man | -0.70 | 57 | 67 |
| #4 | [CHRSKNT] | -1.30 | 58 | 54 |
| #5 | FREDI | -1.51 | 47 | 70 |





