








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 223 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,551 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 585 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1192 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1241 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1533 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,459,852 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wildhacks | 48% | 69 |
| #2 | chekmanirov | 46% | 83 |
| #3 | airbusdriver321 | 45% | 60 |
| #4 | digilawls | 45% | 58 |
| #5 | OGSwanny | 44% | 151 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Beef | 44% | 34 |
| #7 | GOREY | 44% | 91 |
| #8 | Joey Karate | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | dasmallest | 39% | 23 |
| #10 | DrLordMayonnaise | 32% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beef | 11 | 0.0165 |
| #2 | OGSwanny | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | chekmanirov | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | GOREY | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | digilawls | 3 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OGSwanny | 337 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | chekmanirov | 210 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | wildhacks | 194 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | GOREY | 132 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | digilawls | 103 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beef | +9.39 | 92 | 53 |
| #2 | airbusdriver321 | +2.27 | 73 | 62 |
| #3 | DrLordMayonnaise | +0.82 | 68 | 61 |
| #4 | OGSwanny | +0.59 | 39 | 66 |
| #5 | digilawls | -1.01 | 36 | 40 |





