








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 158 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1531 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,774 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 763 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1377 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1356 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1278 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $676,473 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cyrano de Bergerac | 54% | 52 |
| #2 | Jean-Luc Mashallah | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | ♠M A N O W A R♠ | 52% | 23 |
| #4 | Candy In My Pants | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | EpiczTW | 52% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Lolywiz | 50% | 78 |
| #10 | woxi | 47% | 32 |
| #11 | CoSλ | 42% | 78 |
| #12 | NR_-' | 33% | 21 |
| #13 | Lepoulpe | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOKERztw | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | rromain | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | EpiczTW | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | Candy In My Pants | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Jean-Luc Mashallah | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOKERztw | 638 | 0.26 | 18 min |
| #2 | CoSλ | 343 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | EpiczTW | 340 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | Candy In My Pants | 259 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #5 | Lolywiz | 240 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cyrano de Bergerac | +4.74 | 85 | 60 |
| #2 | JOKERztw | +2.68 | 59 | 85 |
| #3 | yANNNZ | +2.05 | 60 | 70 |
| #4 | Jean-Luc Mashallah | +0.63 | 63 | 65 |
| #5 | rromain | +0.58 | 54 | 84 |





