








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
278 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 856 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 278 | 32% |
| Smokes | 178 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 213 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 187 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $113,167 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 53 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Charles von Sprayhausen Jr. | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | Spray Charles Jr. | 71% | 7 |
| #4 | Cast0r Jr. | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Quid PRO Quo Jr. | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 50% | 2 |
| #7 | Naddelx3 | 50% | 2 |
| #8 | Jerkstar Jr. | 50% | 2 |
| #9 | Quid PRO Quo Sr. | 50% | 2 |
| #10 | Donkey Jr. | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Charles von Sprayhausen Jr. | 24 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | Quid PRO Quo Jr. | 13 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #3 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 12 | 0.32 | 0 min |
| #4 | Spray Charles Jr. | 5 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jerkstar Jr. | 5 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerkstar Jr. | +10.31 | 64 | 65 |
| #2 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | +5.52 | 49 | 78 |
| #3 | Charles von Sprayhausen Jr. | +3.75 | 74 | 66 |
| #4 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | +2.03 | 67 | 40 |
| #5 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Jr. | +1.26 | 72 | 65 |





