








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
747 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,327 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 276 | 12% |
| Smokes | 957 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 561 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 533 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $278,677 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HalfPenny | 79% | 19 |
| #2 | Afraid to get wet? | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | Akii. | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Lara | 59% | 39 |
| #5 | Solidus™ | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lara | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Plus-Sized Sex-Robot | 2 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | meowdy | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | ✘ Lineo ✘ | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | HitzK0pf | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | meowdy | 243 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | HitzK0pf | 159 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #3 | Plus-Sized Sex-Robot | 85 | 0.36 | 3 min |
| #4 | HalfPenny | 59 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | leafs | 46 | 0.14 | 1 min |





