








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
298 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 850 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 242 | 28% |
| Smokes | 248 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 222 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 138 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $82,191 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hydra | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | pr0blem | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Klay Thompson | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | s1pp0 | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | mds | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | s1pp0 | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | mds | 47% | 15 |
| #6 | Take a _/ Ben | 45% | 11 |
| #7 | MarKyMarK | 40% | 10 |
| #8 | Lil Baby ♪ | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s1pp0 | 10 | 0.0215 |
| #2 | pr0blem | 5 | 0.0254 |
| #3 | Take a _/ Ben | 3 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | mds | 2 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | MarKyMarK | 1 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mds | 62 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #2 | s1pp0 | 56 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | Klay Thompson | 37 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | pr0blem | 37 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lil Baby ♪ | 16 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mds | +6.42 | 85 | 67 |
| #2 | hydra | +1.85 | 72 | 41 |
| #3 | baba | +1.77 | 63 | 54 |
| #4 | pr0blem | +0.83 | 27 | 78 |
| #5 | Take a _/ Ben | -0.48 | 31 | 42 |





