








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3159 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,041 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3572 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3291 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4073 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3105 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $811,858 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | σ ³β§π©πΆπ³π³πΒ² | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | smel :-: | 60% | 62 |
| #3 | rey, | 58% | 111 |
| #4 | Schlomo Shekelstein Goylerberg | 57% | 97 |
| #5 | ππ±πΆππΎπππΆ | 54% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | σ ³β§π©πΆπ³π³πΒ² | 64% | 33 |
| #2 | smel :-: | 60% | 62 |
| #3 | rey, | 58% | 111 |
| #4 | Schlomo Shekelstein Goylerberg | 57% | 97 |
| #5 | ππ±πΆππΎπππΆ | 54% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schlomo Shekelstein Goylerberg | 15 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | ππ±πΆππΎπππΆ | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | smel :-: | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | σ ³β§π©πΆπ³π³πΒ² | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rey, | 229 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | ππ±πΆππΎπππΆ | 153 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Schlomo Shekelstein Goylerberg | 127 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | σ ³β§π©πΆπ³π³πΒ² | 99 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | smel :-: | 76 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ππ±πΆππΎπππΆ | +2.33 | 72 | 49 |
| #2 | smel :-: | +1.64 | 50 | 63 |
| #3 | rey, | +1.41 | 52 | 73 |
| #4 | Schlomo Shekelstein Goylerberg | +0.29 | 56 | 51 |
| #5 | σ ³β§π©πΆπ³π³πΒ² | -0.08 | 64 | 64 |





