








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 337 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Esplay | 6 matches | 1,800 | |
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,776 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2603 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1713 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1033 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1427 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $336,065 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 483 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | easy | 44% | 16 |
| #11 | wUNDEER | 40% | 15 |
| #12 | eemceee | 38% | 13 |
| #13 | #### | 38% | 8 |
| #14 | cheba | 31% | 13 |





