








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 402 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,724 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3327 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1594 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2482 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1321 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $596,806 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Polaris | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | Fluffy | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | abom | 59% | 56 |
| #4 | 52 | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | MouldyLunchBox | 56% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Post Melon | 53% | 15 |
| #7 | lor | 53% | 15 |
| #8 | Boaty McBoatface | 50% | 22 |
| #9 | Caylon | 47% | 19 |
| #10 | ubiquity | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fluffy | 3 | 0.0095 |
| #2 | abom | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Polaris | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Caylon | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | lor | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | abom | 144 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Caylon | 47 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | MouldyLunchBox | 46 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | ubiquity | 34 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Polaris | 24 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 52 | +3.52 | 88 | 56 |
| #2 | MouldyLunchBox | +2.30 | 69 | 71 |
| #3 | abom | +1.24 | 64 | 71 |
| #4 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | +0.73 | 65 | 77 |
| #5 | Polaris | +0.18 | 35 | 58 |





