








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 556 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2542 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1544 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1968 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2375 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1338 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,077,687 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 241 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | Caylon | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Boaty McBoatface | 48% | 88 |
| #4 | smoke us esmoke | 44% | 50 |
| #5 | Post Melon | 44% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | Caylon | 50% | 20 |
| #3 | Boaty McBoatface | 48% | 88 |
| #4 | smoke us esmoke | 44% | 50 |
| #5 | Post Melon | 44% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smoke us esmoke | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Boaty McBoatface | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Post Melon | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Caylon | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smoke us esmoke | 155 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Post Melon | 145 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Boaty McBoatface | 129 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | 110 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Caylon | 60 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [K] I Eat Dogs. Yum Yum! | +2.61 | 67 | 74 |
| #2 | Caylon | +2.28 | 64 | 74 |
| #3 | smoke us esmoke | +0.31 | 61 | 57 |
| #4 | Polaris | -0.32 | 45 | 54 |
| #5 | Post Melon | -0.82 | 64 | 50 |





