








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 557 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6910 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8270 | 23% |
| Smokes | 8587 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 10622 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 9151 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,150,006 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | phatsolew | 53% | 195 |
| #4 | ☈︎℧︎Ⓢ︎⊤︎𝕐 | 53% | 160 |
| #5 | BeerDrinker56 | 52% | 219 |
| #6 | NinjaLiamJack | 51% | 167 |
| #7 | gFREDDO | 46% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | phatsolew | 25 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | ☈︎℧︎Ⓢ︎⊤︎𝕐 | 20 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | BeerDrinker56 | 13 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | NinjaLiamJack | 10 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | RODDERS | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☈︎℧︎Ⓢ︎⊤︎𝕐 | 321 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | RODDERS | 235 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | gFREDDO | 227 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | NinjaLiamJack | 208 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | phatsolew | 181 | 0.04 | 5 min |





