








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 791 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1489 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,381 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 846 | 36% |
| Smokes | 625 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 70 | 3% |
| Molotovs | 840 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $573,067 of utility $243 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 440 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | KOKKIES | 56% | 32 |
| #6 | Baconator | 55% | 20 |
| #7 | Nick Eh 30 | 53% | 36 |
| #8 | ƎƐ0ᄅn%Ǝ6ᄅ0n%lᄅƆ⇂ᄅn | 53% | 19 |
| #9 | R2-shpee-2 | 47% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KOKKIES | 147 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nick Eh 30 | 75 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Baconator | 62 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | HAZiiE | 55 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | ƎƐ0ᄅn%Ǝ6ᄅ0n%lᄅƆ⇂ᄅn | 52 | 0.13 | 1 min |





