








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 340 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 102 matches | ||
| Premier | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2700 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2578 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3067 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2191 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2214 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $933,336 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 152 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alphamonkay | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Sammy6k | 57% | 125 |
| #3 | Haaska | 56% | 135 |
| #4 | jLawler | 55% | 40 |
| #5 | LaFondel | 55% | 181 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaFondel | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Sammy6k | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | sw1zz | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | MayØr ⓛⓞⓥⓔ | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Haaska | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fiveotwo | 452 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #2 | LaFondel | 399 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #3 | Haaska | 279 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | sw1zz | 275 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #5 | Sammy6k | 213 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grape Denim | +2.91 | 68 | 72 |
| #2 | Sammy6k | +1.90 | 83 | 71 |
| #3 | fiveotwo | +1.37 | 90 | 70 |
| #4 | jLawler | +0.82 | 66 | 65 |
| #5 | sw1zz | +0.41 | 64 | 78 |





