








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1311 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 219 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5750 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,278 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10120 | 55% |
| Smokes | 428 | 2% |
| HE Grenades | 5193 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2537 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,096,883 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 925 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | elizabeth taylor wears these | 61% | 51 |
| #2 | Dallas Dan | 57% | 81 |
| #3 | L0vell | 54% | 89 |
| #4 | MannibalLecter | 53% | 66 |
| #5 | OgShu | 51% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | ting | 50% | 136 |
| #8 | FLYSCOPE genderless plug | 48% | 31 |
| #9 | wrinkle | 46% | 126 |
| #10 | -spiffy | 42% | 31 |
| #11 | Matt EX-CoMuNiCaDo | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ting | 11 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Eric Wagner | 6 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | OgShu | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | -spiffy | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | L0vell | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ting | 598 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #2 | L0vell | 341 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | wrinkle | 264 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Dallas Dan | 177 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | MannibalLecter | 128 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mage | +2.24 | 86 | 69 |
| #2 | -spiffy | +2.18 | 64 | 61 |
| #3 | elizabeth taylor wears these | +1.47 | 68 | 72 |
| #4 | L0vell | +1.22 | 65 | 62 |
| #5 | ting | +1.14 | 66 | 62 |





