








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 424 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 254 matches | ||
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4931 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,379 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2906 | 17% |
| Smokes | 5070 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5095 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4308 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,289,995 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | fknjonny | 48% | 65 |
| #11 | jsk | 44% | 86 |
| #12 | vial of water | 40% | 110 |
| #13 | d00fensmertz | 40% | 170 |
| #14 | ReM | 38% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | r3gan^G | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | d00fensmertz | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | ReM | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | vial of water | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | fknjonny | 4 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dirty | 576 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #2 | ReM | 562 | 0.20 | 17 min |
| #3 | r3gan^G | 417 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | jsk | 358 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #5 | vial of water | 320 | 0.13 | 8 min |





