








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 163 matches | ||
| Premier | 81 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2592 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,092 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1473 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1458 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1539 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 622 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,165,293 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Denzel | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Jzor | 51% | 179 |
| #3 | dirty | 50% | 244 |
| #4 | r3gan^G | 50% | 241 |
| #5 | PORTER[DET] | 49% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | r3gan^G | 50% | 241 |
| #5 | PORTER[DET] | 49% | 69 |
| #6 | Eugenius-=]FF[=- | 48% | 44 |
| #7 | FlameReject | 48% | 105 |
| #8 | 818xT | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | r3gan^G | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | 818xT | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | dirty | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #4 | Jzor | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | PORTER[DET] | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dirty | 633 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #2 | r3gan^G | 513 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | FlameReject | 353 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #4 | Jzor | 281 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #5 | PORTER[DET] | 121 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | inVert | +1.71 | 87 | 56 |
| #2 | FlameReject | +0.71 | 75 | 64 |
| #3 | Eugenius-=]FF[=- | +0.34 | 82 | 58 |
| #4 | r3gan^G | +0.04 | 69 | 60 |
| #5 | PORTER[DET] | -0.40 | 69 | 60 |





