








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 878 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3365 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,136 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3050 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1767 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 4326 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2993 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,392,750 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Depressed Onion | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | RespawN | 56% | 25 |
| #3 | litenhest | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | CosMO | 50% | 114 |
| #5 | wrecksome | 49% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wrecksome | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | GunSystem | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Q-('-'Q) Bacon! ☣ | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | CosMO | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Quacky @ Penicillium roqueforti | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CosMO | 589 | 0.24 | 16 min |
| #2 | trestubb | 203 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Q-('-'Q) Bacon! ☣ | 173 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | wrecksome | 143 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Quacky @ Penicillium roqueforti | 129 | 0.12 | 3 min |





