








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 367 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Esplay | 70 matches | 1,656 | |
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2213 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,281 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3411 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2982 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2638 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2250 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $595,410 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zeo | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | SolenYa | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | MedicTrio | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | BB | Kiddinho | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | V! | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Therese91♥ッ | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Coltbord | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | (ɔıʇsɐqɯoᙠ)ɐɐɐɐɐɹO | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Rizla | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Mr Reese | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kjendiss! | 183 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Mr Reese | 153 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | Mantipanti | 86 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | BB | Kiddinho | 86 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | (ɔıʇsɐqɯoᙠ)ɐɐɐɐɐɹO | 82 | 0.08 | 3 min |





