








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 180 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
844 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 10% |
| Smokes | 1769 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 1274 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 673 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,156,346 of utility $289 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | is smky bbq pork halal? | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Semprini | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | wiese | 49% | 67 |
| #4 | #ZWE MR Ugly | 46% | 70 |
| #5 | DuMat(te)in | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.Pink | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Igel007 | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Bilbo Beutlin Muschischleck | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Crème Brûlée | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | #ZWE MR Ugly | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | #ZWE MR Ugly | 217 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | wiese | 163 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Mr.Pink | 138 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Semprini | 94 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | seeki93 | 86 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wiese | +2.32 | 67 | 63 |
| #2 | IEM Cologne Jesus | +2.05 | 43 | 71 |
| #3 | is smky bbq pork halal? | +1.83 | 68 | 72 |
| #4 | #ZWE MR Ugly | +0.79 | 75 | 68 |
| #5 | Mr.Pink | +0.75 | 39 | 65 |





