








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
740 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,288 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1026 | 31% |
| Smokes | 769 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 865 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 628 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $438,604 of utility $251 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coteclear | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | zmon | 61% | 44 |
| #3 | daddl9reN | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | REEEEEEEEEE | 51% | 68 |
| #5 | Alberto Stone | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | cornz | 48% | 27 |
| #9 | candle light dinner | 45% | 44 |
| #10 | sebbau | 42% | 26 |
| #11 | BiRd4K | 29% | 7 |
| #12 | gmflash | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | candle light dinner | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | sebbau | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | REEEEEEEEEE | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Alberto Stone | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | daddl9reN | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | REEEEEEEEEE | 287 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #2 | zmon | 220 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #3 | daddl9reN | 129 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | candle light dinner | 80 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | cornz | 63 | 0.11 | 1 min |





