








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 549 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 195 matches | ||
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 2,101 | |
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,396 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2724 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2922 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2863 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2887 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $934,931 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PETT1_ | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | jONKKER | 64% | 28 |
| #3 | S4lmi | 63% | 49 |
| #4 | killabee | 61% | 28 |
| #5 | jSu | 59% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | petsku | 53% | 81 |
| #10 | Mikz | 53% | 38 |
| #11 | el Hipsy | 52% | 21 |
| #12 | nempula (?) | 50% | 22 |
| #13 | ulma | 38% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S4lmi | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | el Hipsy | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Nebu | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | petsku | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | jONKKER | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WiLzU | 431 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #2 | Nebu | 429 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #3 | tryffis | 258 | 0.35 | 7 min |
| #4 | Mikz | 229 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #5 | S4lmi | 182 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PETT1_ | +3.01 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | S4lmi | +2.17 | 61 | 83 |
| #3 | Sukka | +1.75 | 81 | 72 |
| #4 | tryffis | +1.10 | 64 | 80 |
| #5 | jONKKER | +0.95 | 70 | 73 |





