








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 89 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 353 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2463 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,662 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 363 | 10% |
| Smokes | 1446 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1137 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 716 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,193,040 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 458 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer | 49% | 86 |
| #2 | Norrlands guld 5.3 | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | $uge Knigh† | 48% | 241 |
| #4 | jp | 45% | 65 |
| #5 | Pfannenwender | 42% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Norrlands guld 5.3 | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | $uge Knigh† | 48% | 241 |
| #4 | jp | 45% | 65 |
| #5 | Pfannenwender | 42% | 78 |
| #6 | VwieVendetta | 37% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $uge Knigh† | 64 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer | 50 | 0.0294 |
| #3 | Pfannenwender | 24 | 0.0151 |
| #4 | VwieVendetta | 15 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Norrlands guld 5.3 | 7 | 0.0104 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $uge Knigh† | 303 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #2 | Pfannenwender | 77 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer | 76 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | VwieVendetta | 50 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Norrlands guld 5.3 | 38 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jp | +3.92 | 66 | 23 |
| #2 | Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer | +2.98 | 58 | 51 |
| #3 | $uge Knigh† | +2.56 | 48 | 50 |
| #4 | Pfannenwender | +0.65 | 17 | 57 |
| #5 | heRrWiNKLa | -0.83 | 31 | 18 |





