








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 589 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 318 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




96 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4919 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,300 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5069 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4583 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3308 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3340 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,621,724 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 462 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Kasettiäijä | 51% | 93 |
| #6 | jolky | 50% | 54 |
| #7 | Teimo | 48% | 29 |
| #8 | cock mösjöö | 45% | 42 |
| #9 | pahaperse | 45% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kasettiäijä | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Antz | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Teimo | 6 | 0.0093 |
| #4 | pahaperse | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | cock mösjöö | 5 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kasettiäijä | 377 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #2 | cock mösjöö | 176 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | pahaperse | 162 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Antz | 150 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | ylamoukkuenjoyer | 139 | 0.26 | 4 min |





